I had to admit that my faith is shaken badly after Linda left. Not that i had made her the ultimate thing in my life, but it is just that I felt I should not have done that onto myself.
Constantly, I felt God's wrath and anger to me than his love. I see no hope in my life, no direction that motivates me to live on. And i know i really cannot die because i will be heading to hell. if there is no life after death, then death may be very attractive to me.
i know should have said this. Everyday, i see the hypocrisy of Man doing things in the name of God, and i am sick by it. News coming in talking about self righteous Christians commiting various hideous crimes while the waywards group like the gay and lesbians appear to be more moral than them, just makes me sick.
why is this world turning this way? why can't i be a Bible beliving, rational, believe in micro evolution, support empirical scientific truth, support abortion due to medical reasons both on the baby and the mother, that allow gays and lesbians so long as they are no Christians, love the environment, recycle, drive an electric car? why do Christians have to subscribe to package of beliefs? can they pick and choose?
In this era, i find it very difficult to identify myself as a rational Christians.