If Times are bad, go full time (as from sunday's sermon)

Speaking of which, i am grateful of today message. i learn that

- you do not end up doing the very thing that you study
- resumes are the most inefficient way of securing a job, networking is.
- asking God about my mission, master and my mate.
- knowing who God is and what is his purpose for my life.

His purpose? I really do not know. I do feel alive when i am teaching guitar to the people who are learning from me. But i am faced with the issues:

- do i really want to teach?
- i do not have the qualifications to teach guitar.

there are times where i really want to be a teacher and organise a guitar club within the school and hopefully come out with a band somewhat like the movie "School of Rock" where you make youngsters know their dreams and aspirations and use their energies to something useful. i envision that as something exciting and exhilarating. but so many times, i heard of stories about school disciplines and how bad their students are and how many teachers got into depression and stuffs like that. i have work in a school before and i also tell myself before not to be a teacher. but there is a inner prompting in my heart that keep on nagging me to go to teaching.

then again i ask myself do i have the moral capacity to guide and lead the students? Do i have the drive to motivate them to study and improve their grades? Do i have the energies to keep up with them? Do i have the wisdom to outsmart them? Do i have the humility to learn from them?

i really confused.... seeing my friends dealing with unreasonable parents scolding them, hearing them complaining about their workload and unreasonable time schedules and also seeing them bringing papers to mark here and that, i really wonder whether it is worth while plunging in the field. but i am really afraid that i might not make it and i am really scared.

side issues
was reading Ruth this week because i told someone to read it, was asking God what i supposed to do. maybe we got into it to early, i have not consider her feelings enough that got us into this. i should have waited and believe that if this is God's will, then He will not fail me. Just like in the book of Ruth, where providence of God take the centre stage in this story. I should have believe that God will carve a way out, whenBoaz did not take Ruth immediately but instead confronted the rightful kinsman Redeemer before he takes Ruth, knowing full well that he might lose Ruth in the process if the kinsman decide to redeem her. i should have done that, placing that kind of trust and faith in God that He will make a way for me in this area and also other aspects of my life like my career.